The member who makes post # 1000 in this thread wins a prize!

[colorado815]

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave

Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.

Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.

Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin

Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air

Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!

Q. How is a dumb blonde like peanut-butter?
A. They spread for the bread.

Q. Why do dumb blondes always drink with straws?
A. Practice

Q. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A. Their both empty from the neck up.

Q. Why do blondes wear underwear?
A. To keep their ankles warm.

Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A. A brunette with bad breath. Funny blonde jokes...

Q. Why did the deaf blonde sit on the newspaper?
A. So she could lip read.

Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A. An airbag.

Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?
A. More leg-room!

Q. What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A. FULL

Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back. Good Dumb Blonde jokes...

Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
A. The joystick is wet.

Q. What do a mo-ped and a blond have in common?
A. They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A. The blonde works in the dark!

Q. What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A. Her ankles.

Q. What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A. "Have another beer."

Q. What do Blondes say after sex?
A1. Thanks Guys.
A2. Are you boys all in the same band?
A3. Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

Q. How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A. Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A. The more you bang it the looser it gets.

Q. What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A. They both wriggle when you eat them.

Q. Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A. Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

Q. Why'd the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
A. She kept throwing out all the W's.

Q. How do blond brain cells die?
A. Alone.

Q. Five blondes are facing execution, a rocket scientist, a historian, a bimbo, and a mathematician. They are each hit with one bullet but, only one bleeds, which one?
A. The bimbo, you have to be real to bleed.

Q. How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A. Wave

Q. What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A. They both have black roots.

Q. What does a blonde owl say?
A. What, what?

Q. Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A. They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q. What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A. A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Q. Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A. They both drip when they're fucked.

Q. How would a blond punctuate the following?. "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A. Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

Q. Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A. It swells at night.

Q. A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A. The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

[colorado815]

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works.

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?"

"What's a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.

"It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop.

"Registration..... what's that....?" asked the blonde.

"It's usually in your glove compartment." said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration.

"I'll be back in a minute." said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back, "Ummm... is this woman driving a red sports car?"

"Yes." replied the officer.

"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher.

"Uh... yes." replied the cop.

"Here's what you do." said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants."

"What!!? I can't do that. Its... inappropriate." exclaimed the cop.

"Trust me. Just do it." said the dispatcher.

So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.

The blonde looks down and sighs..... "Ohh no... not another breathalyzer......"

[SCrew]

Love these! The last joke is damn funny!

[colorado815]

Originally Posted by colorado815

55 Crown Vic.
34 3window..The California Kid
65 Mustang
49 Club Coupe
49 F1
40 Delux
49 Woodie
56 Wagon
58 Retractable Hardtop
64 Galixe with the 406 or the 427
Dan Gurney Special
Least but not last: Shelby Corbra, 427.

Almost forgot this one (see picture)

[colorado815]

When a redneck wins the lottery........

[colorado815]

Just a little closer.............

[colorado815]

Buttons. I can think of a couple that I like....

[colorado815]

Lord Of The ???

It took him three movies to destroy jewelry, but now he's back to steal it all.

[colorado815]

Racial Profiling...........

[FordFan]

LOL

[colorado815]

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an "F" in sex.

[wheeler]

ok, don't drop the nukez on me, I just heard this one: How did Bush divided Iraq? Diesel, Unleaded and Super high octane....

[wheeler]

There were doctor, egoist, catholic priest and three children on the plane from NY to La. Suddenly, plane starts to lose throttle and the pilot says: We have a problem. I have a parachute, but we only have three parachutes for the passengers....The doctor says: Save the children!! The egoist says: Fuck the children!! The priest says: Will we have time for that??

[FordFan]

some good ones.

[colorado815]

Warning.............

[colorado815]

Drinking with a Redneck Girl


A Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck girl are in the same bar.


When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice."


The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either."

The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says,

"In America we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."


" God Bless America

[colorado815]

Democratic Dilemma
The Democratic Party has a crisis of monumental proportions:
They don't know whether to vote for
the "Nut" with two Boobs
or
the "Boob" with two Nuts.

[badassstang]

long way to go till 1000

[FordFan]

About 700 something more

[pco1988]

This...